Who will Show up at the Mic.?

This is year two of homeschooling my oldest daughter. She went to public school from kindergarten though 3rd grade. I was never one to believe that I would or could actually take on the daunting task of educating my children. I barely completed school myself. School was never my strong suit. But for several years I seemed to be feeling pulled to the calling of homeschool. When I finally obeyed the call, it was time for some major research. What curriculum would we use, what social groups would we belong too, how would we structure our day? I had so many questions and presently learned that the resources available were unlimited. We had so many wonderful opportunities to choose from. Our first year, was how would you say, quite the learning experience. Everything was so strange and new. We both had to learn each other and figure out this thing called homeschool. I will not lie, there were many tears that first year. However, we persevered successfully, and went for round number two. Two weeks before the beginning of 5th grade, I was lead to a wonderful program called Classical Conversations. Teaching classically was a brand new concept for me, but fit to our beliefs and thinking perfectly. I knew that this would be the best fit for my daughter's education and my teaching style. Not only did I choose to begin this new program with very little time to prepare before school began, but I also accepted a teaching position with this co-op, to teach 4th-6th grade English Language and Writing. What was I thinking??? Seriously, had I totally lost my mind? None-the-less, I felt lead to accept, and had a strange sense that this job was especially for me. I had accepted to teach a class that parents pay good money for their children to take. I knew little to nothing about the program, and I had two weeks to be ready. I was afraid! Have you ever stepped out on faith, pursueing a calling beyond your capabilities? Is their a dream in your heart that you have been too afraid to pursue. Do you ever wrestle with feelings of inadequacy,or the idea that you do not have what it takes to do the job? I think everyone has this struggle at times. The week before class would begin I decided to join in on a parent meeting of a nearby co-op of the same class. As the teacher began her meeting, she listed off her credentials to the parents. Well, she said, " I have tutored middle and high school English for the past five years, Prior to that I taught High School English for twelve years." so I am assuming she is highly educated in the subject not to mention well experienced. My thoughts were racing my head was spinning. All I could think was, "I don't have what it takes, all I have is a desire to teach my daughter and a calling on my life to speak and write."That just did not seem to be enough. I left the meeting feeling beat down and overwhelmed. Once I arrived to my car, I took a moment and prayed, really not expecting God to show up so quickly. "God, surely I did not hear you right. Can I do this? Do YOU want me to teach this class? I am afraid!" I reached over and started the engine and began to make my way home in the silence, trying to hear God's still small voice speak to me. And all I got was SILENCE. Half way home, I turned up the radio to try and drown out my fear. I was greeted with a man telling a story of a young boy who suffered with Panic/Anxiety disorders. When this young boy was 13 years old he was called to serve those that are slaves around the world. He gathered all his loose change around his house and went to his school and church and had them do the same. One year later, he had a growing ministry called "Loose Change to Loose Chains." When he was fifteen he was asked to speak at a David Crowder concert on behalf of his ministry. As he stood there in the crowd and all the hype and excitement, his time to speak was growing closer. He began to feel sick and panic debilitated him. He looked at his mother and said, "I can't do this." She simply said, "You don't have too." Her response made him realize that he did. He stepped up to the microphone and spoke on behalf of his ministry. Successfully, I might add. When he joined his mom again, he told her "I believed in a cause greater then my fear and God showed up at the microphone." With that, I pulled into my driveway and turned off the car. Then I heard God's still small voice, his answer to my prayer. "I know where you are my sweet, I love you. Believe in something greater then your fear and trust me to show up at your microphone." My fear suddenly turned into faith, and faith does great things. What are you afraid of ? There is something greater. Who is showing up at your mic.?

"I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14: 27

Do a U Turn...

If you were a road sign, what sign would you be? STOP, Yield, Under Construction? If I were a road sign, I would like to be the U Turn. Telling those who are going in the wrong direction, they can turn here and go the other way, the right way. I learned what it meant to be a U Turn from my husband. In our third year of marriage, I somehow was heading in the wrong direction. In fact I was on the wrong road, heading in the wrong direction. I was on the road of Lies, full of pride, fulfilling my own selfish desires and heading in the direction of destruction. I made choices on that road that hurt many people and destroyed my marriage. I was untruthful, unfaithful, and hurtful, which led us down the path to divorce. On this road God had much to teach me. I was trucking along, doing my own thing, caring for my own needs, MY way, thinking of nobody else, and unyielding to God's call on my life. That's a common road we all take at times. Our way, Our thing, unfaithful to the God who made us for His purpose. Yeah, this was the road I was on, and I deeply hurt my husband while traveling there. At the same time that I was heading down this road of death and destruction God was working in my husbands heart. He was setting up a U Turn. My husband remained faithful to me, steady in his actions, never slandering me in anger. He was firm but fair, consistently loving me without depending on my love in return. I began to realize what I was doing. It had been a long day at work and I was tired and hungry. I was ready to be finished. I knew I had to pick our daughter up from my husbands apartment, go home, prepare dinner, and do bath and bedtime, all to start over again. When I arrived at his apartment, he had cooked dinner and had set a hot plate of food on the table for me. For ME!!! I didn't deserve this, but it was there, for me to enjoy. I ate my fill, gathered our daughter and things and went about my business, he didn't expect anything in return. That's just like God. I knew then, that the direction I was going in was wrong. That's what happens when we repent,we realize that we are heading in the wrong direction. God's love and faithfulness is our U Turn sign. God just used my husband and a hot plate of food to be mine, on that particular road. I turned and went in the opposite direction, the right direction. I got on the right road. That road is called Truth and I headed in the direction of forgiveness and reconciliation. My marriage was restored and my heart was redeemed, because of Gods love and faithfulness. Sometimes we need a U Turn sign and sometimes we need to be the U Turn sign...

"Repent, and turn from your sins. Don't let them destroy you! Put all your rebellion behind you, and find yourself a new heart and a new spirit. For why should you die? I don't want you to die says the Sovereign Lord. Turn back and live!" Ezekiel 18:30-32

It is Finished...

Several years ago God brought me to a place in my walk with Him to deal with deep rooted sin and immorality in my heart. Even though I had been risen to new life though receiving the grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ, I was still wearing the grave clothes. Just as Jesus had called Lazarus out from the grave after being dead for four days, He had called me out of the grave. When Lazarus emerged from the grave he was still wearing the grave clothes and so was I. Filthy rags draped around me with the stench of sin, shame, guilt and unforgiveness. But just as Jesus told the people "Unwrap him and let him go!" (John 11:44) Jesus had faithfully sent His people into my life to gently unwrap my grave clothes to set me free! There was a history of sin in my life that needed to be cleansed. A dear friend of mine walked with me for nine weeks though this process of cleansing. Every Saturday morning we met together and invited God to meet with us. And meet with us He did! Though prayer, intense study of His word, and sharing with one another in a safe place, little by little the rags were coming off. Week by week I was beginning to feel lighter and smell better. Until finally the rags were gone and I was naked before my God. God still had much to teach me in this process. As I followed the spirits calling, I was led to write down each sin of immorality that I had committed in the past, and place them in a small envelop. Though prayer the Holy spirit revealed each one to me. I carried those sins with me for three weeks everywhere, and realized they were a heavy burden. I knew I was being called to do something physical to release them. God had a plan. Through His word, God lead me to be baptized, which simply means to immerse in water. So I found myself, naked with God and my little envelop of sin in a tub of water. I went though an agonizing period of confessing each sin, forgiving, and releasing that sin to Jesus, placing it back in the envelop never to be taken out again. Huge drops of sweat was falling into the water and I could hardly bare the process. I then emerged myself in the water fully expecting to arise, feeling refreshed and clean, but I didn't. If anything I felt worse. This made me angry. I did everything I was suppose to, what happened. The next morning was the same. As I was driving to church I heard a song that made it all make sense. I was being purified. I was not in a cleansing rain but a purifying fire. Three days after my confession I met one last time with my dear friend and we burned that small envelop in the fire. A late summer thunderstorm was rolling in and I stood outside holding three white balloons. My pastor had said Sunday," Forgiveness means to send away." So I let the balloons go. Cool drops of rain hit my face and I could hear thunder roll in the distance. We stood in silence and watched as the balloons rose in the sky. As the rain fell all around us those balloons formed a perfect cross, and we stood staring until they could no longer be seen. Ahhhh, the cleansing rain. The Lord said to me "It is finished, it was finished at the cross, I love you, my precious daughter." I went from grave clothes, to nakedness, to clothes of righteousness.

"Be strong and courageous and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. He will see to it that all the work related to the Temple of the Lord is finished correctly." 1 Chronicles 28:20

Climb That Mountain...

This past December my husband and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. We stayed in a sweet cabin at the foot of Table Rock. It was the Christmas season, and the fireplace and rustic atmosphere was wonderful. We spent eight hours one day climbing Table Rock Mountain. Wow, was that a challenge. More so than we thought. We are not the most fit people in town, it was cold, and we had our share of struggles along the way. Much of the day was spent in wooded areas, climbing over treacherous rocks, in valleys and trenches. We tired easily and stopped often to rest. Not long after the climb started, I developed huge blisters on the back of my feet and every step that I took was painful. At the halfway point we were both tempted to say, "That's good enough, lets head back." We were about to give up, but instead we pressed on. As we made our way to the top of the mountain we began to have a conversation about the journey of our marriage. We talked about birthdays, vacations, the birth of our children, anniversaries,and the joys and accomplishments along the way. We also talked about the heartaches, disappointments, failures,and times of complete despair and hopelessness. We shared the pain of our journey,like the blisters on my feet. I said, "You know, our marriage has been much like climbing this mountain." We've spent much time wandering in the woods, battling rocky terrain, breathless and tired, with blisters on our hearts. We've pressed past the moments of just wanting to give up and turn back. It even became comical to us as we noticed how naturally my husband would take the lead in the rocky rough situations and when the path was smooth and straight I would pull out ahead, much like our relationship. As we reached the peek of the mountain we stepped out in a spacious place and there was a breathless view. We stood there together in awe of the beautiful sight. It was so powerful and majestic. This is very true with the mountains in our life. If we let them, they will conquer us, but if we press on we gain a beautiful view. As we came down the mountain and made that long journey back to our warm cabin, tired and aching, my husband said to me, "I think that's the coolest thing we've ever done together." I turned and looked back," yeah, we conquered that mountain." So go on and climb that mountain, see what's waiting for you at the top.

"I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to my enemies but have set my feet in a spacious place." Psalms 31: 7-8

Filled

Balloons... The other day I was thinking about balloons, and how a recent experience in preparing for a Women's Weekend Retreat and the actual weekend made me fill much like a balloon. When a balloon has not been breathed in, it is empty, deflated, limp, and lifeless. In order for a balloon to grow it must be breathed in, it must be stretched, it must be filled. I had the honor of playing several different roles at this weekend retreat. I taught a class, which I had to prepare for, I was in a couple of skits, which I had to practice for, and I shared my testimony. There were times when I wondered if I could carry out each one of these tasks, actually there were times that I thought I would just pop. The good thing is that God knows exactly when to stop stretching us before the pressure will cause us to burst. Just like a balloon, in order for us to grow we must be stretched. Often this is just uncomfortable and overwhelming. The weeks leading up to this retreat I felt like I was carrying a heavy burden, I was being stretched beyond my capabilities. God was doing a great work within my heart. He was revealing who he is and drawing me closer to him. He was breathing life in me and without realizing it I was growing. When I thought it was too much, God knew that it was just enough. The weekend came and the stretching had fulfilled it's purpose. If you place something inside a balloon you cannot see it until it has been stretched and becomes transparent. Once this takes place you are able to clearly see what is inside. It was my prayer that God would allow his women to see what was inside, to see him and his workings in my life. It seems that the entire weekend was about transparency and coming out of hiding. This is what our loving heavenly father wants from us, a willingness to be stretched, no matter how uncomfortable. We have to be willing to allow God to breathe life into us so that we can grow. Where is God stretching you? How is he growing you? What does he want to reveal on the inside? Are you ready to be filled?

"And I will put my spirit within you." Ezek. 36:27

It is Life...

A friend of mine called me awhile back to tell me a wonderful story. A few years ago a lady named Christina was here visiting with my friend from England. She is a beautiful lady whom I love to listen to because she has that wonderful English accent. While she was on her visit here Christina and my friend accompanied me one evening to a small church near by. I was speaking to a group of ladies who support a local crisis pregnancy center that I have been volunteering with for a number of years. I was there to share my story of past experiences with crisis pregnancy and abortion, to hopefully give them a glimpse of how their support impacts their community. It is always good to be able to put a face to how your giving makes a difference.My friend and Christina came with me as company and support, which I was very grateful for. I gave out the usual tracts and materials and in those were the small pins of baby feet at ten weeks after conception. Christina took this pin home with her to England. Now over a year later she finds herself pregnant, and not in the most ideal situation. The father says abort, he doesn't want a child. Of course all she wants to hear is, "It's OK Christina, I'm here for you and we'll make it though this." When that is not the case we can feel alone, discouraged and without hope. We can naturally be deceived to believe that abortion is the best choice. After all isn't that the enemies job, to destroy life. Christina is looking, I don't know for what, she may not even know, but she is looking, and she finds a tiny set of feet that had been keep for just this time.She looks at this amazing visual, she picks them up and hold them in her hands, she may even touch her belly where life has begun and she begins to cry. There is a whisper, a voice that says to her as she holds those precious feet, "Remember, remember the things I have planted in your heart long ago, I am God, I hold you in my hands, I will not leave you, I love you. Return to me and I will give you a blessing." The words take root and begins to grow. Christina says, "I choose life, I choose life".

What an amazing God we serve, He can stretch his hand out across the world and bind our hearts together in wonderful and amazing ways.This story has many layers and I know that Christina's life will change and God will truly bless her. His plans are for good. This has encouraged me in a special way. I tend to run in fear and not fully live the call on my heart. I rebuke that fear in the name of Jesus. Lord the next time I say I can't, I can't speak, I'm afraid to tell the story, help me to remember what you have done. Thank you father for giving me a glimpse.

" For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth-the one who accuses them before our God day and night. And they have defeated him by the blood of the lamb and by their testimony."
Revelations 12:10-11

New Year, Clean Head...

This past year I experienced a rut. Several months of unseeming growth and battles of anxiety. I had been running from God, because I feared what He would reveal to me or may have me do. It was the middle of the year and I was working with an elderly lady, Ms. Betty, who suffered from Dementia/Alzheimers and was confused much of the time. I love her dearly. This one particular week was very busy with appointments and different functions. She needed assistance with a shower and all week she would bathe but never had time to wash her hair. By Friday, she could have went into the oil business, I was determined to get her in the shower and scrub that nasty head. I washed her hair three times, troughly, and felt much better about it. After her shower, I would help her into a chair and I would proceed to dry and style her hair. I left the room to fetch a few needed things and when I returned, Ms. Betty was crying. I asked her " Why are you crying?" her response was," It just feels so good to be clean." The night before I had awoke at 2am (Not by Choice) to spend some much needed time with my Lord, that I had been avoiding like the plague. I was convicted of my lack of obedience and wept though the night. Sitting in that small bathroom, I shared this with my dearest friend, and this is what she said. " Oh, the Lord has such wonderful plans for you. He is going to pour water over you like you poured that water over me in the shower, He wants to scrub you clean, just like you used your hands to scrub me clean. But, you see, you won't feel clean until your head is clean." Ahhhh, tears rolled down my face as I stared at that sweet little lady. I knew God was speaking to me, telling me not to be afraid, that He is gentle and loving. The funny thing is, Ms. Betty began to say things that made no sense and suddenly she said, "What? ohh, God just told me to shut up." That's all she needed to say, I won't feel clean until my head is clean. Ms. Betty had bathed all week, but she could not feel clean until her head was clean. I asked God right then to clean me, and that's just what he did. For several months He bathed me in His word. When my head was clean, I was able to run after God, seek Him without fear and guilt. As we race full steam into a new year, I pray that Christ's body will have a clean head. In 2009 I resolve to allow God to wash me, do away with the rotten and old, and replace the old with fresh and new. God's word tells us that if we belong to Him the old has passed away and behold all things are made new. Let us start the new year with a clean head.

"You'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." Philippians 4: 8-9 (The Message)